Marriage is a deeply rooted social institution, but its forms and meanings have evolved significantly over time. This article explores the concepts of weddings, marriage, and social change, examining how traditions persist and adapt in contemporary society, drawing insights from practices in Britain and the US.
A wedding marks the occasion when individuals get married, while marriage refers to the state of being married. The term "marriage" can also describe the ceremony itself, highlighting its dual nature as both an event and a lifelong commitment.
Understanding Weddings, Marriage, and Social Change
Attitudes towards marriage have undergone substantial changes over the last 50 years. What was once considered "living in sin" – cohabiting without marriage – is now widely accepted in Britain and the US.
Evolving Attitudes Towards Marriage
Despite these shifts, marriage remains popular, though couples tend to be older when they tie the knot. While legal marriage age is 18 (or 16 with parental consent), the average age in the US is 23 for women and 26 for men. In Britain, these averages are 26 and 28 respectively, reflecting a general trend towards later marriages.
Historically, if parents disapproved of a union, couples might elope, meaning they would go away and marry in secret. This highlights a past era where parental consent held greater sway.
The Journey to the Altar: Engagement and Planning
Before marrying, a couple becomes engaged. Traditionally, the man proposes to his girlfriend, offering an engagement ring upon her acceptance. However, modern couples often make the decision to marry together.
Following engagement, the couple sets a date and chooses where and by whom the ceremony will be performed. In the US, judges and religious leaders can officiate. Religious weddings typically occur in a church or chapel, but ceremonies can be held anywhere special to the couple. In Britain, many still prefer church weddings, even if not religious, while others opt for civil ceremonies at registry offices or hotels.
Traditional Preparations: From Banns to Parties
Historically, the bride's family bore the cost of the wedding. Today, couples often share the expense, especially for large weddings with many guests. Invitations are sent out, and guests typically buy gifts for the couple's home. In the US, couples commonly register at a store with a list of desired presents, while in Britain, they send a wedding list or open a "bride's book" at a large store.
For a church wedding, the marriage must be announced on three separate occasions, known as the reading of the banns. Some religious groups may not marry divorced individuals in church but might offer a blessing after a civil ceremony.
The night before the wedding, the bride and groom (her future husband) often celebrate at separate parties given by friends:
- Stag party (groom's party): Guests drink alcohol, joke about the groom losing his freedom, and might watch a stripper.
- Hen party (bride's party, called a bachelorette party in the US): Generally a quieter affair.
The Wedding Day: Traditions and Roles
Certain individuals play special roles within the wedding party, offering support and assistance throughout the day.
Key Roles in the Wedding Party
- Best Man: The groom's closest male friend, who stands beside him during the ceremony.
- Ushers: Friends who guide guests to their seats.
- Chief Bridesmaid (Maid of Honor in AmE): The bride's closest woman friend (or Matron of Honor if she is married).
- Bridesmaids: Other friends and children who accompany the bride.
Attire and Symbolism
Many brides choose a white wedding, characterized by a long white wedding dress and a veil covering the face. Traditional bridal attire includes "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" for good luck. Bridesmaids wear matching dresses and carry bouquets.
The groom, best man, and other men might wear morning dress (a long-tailed jacket, dark trousers, and a top hat) or, in the US, a tuxedo (a black suit with a white shirt). Women guests dress smartly, often wearing hats.
The Ceremony and Celebration
The wedding day is steeped in tradition, from the entrance to the final farewell.
The Wedding Ceremony: Vows and Rings
Traditionally, the bride arrives a few minutes late at the church, entering with her father who "gives her away" to her husband. Some modern brides find this practice offensive. A wedding march accompanies her entrance. The officiant discusses the importance of marriage, and a friend may read a poem.
- Exchange of Vows: The bride and groom exchange promises to stay together and support each other.
- Ring Exchange: The groom places a wedding ring on the third finger of the bride's left hand; sometimes the bride also gives him a ring.
Upon being declared man and wife, they sign the register, the official record of marriages. As they leave, guests throw rice or confetti (small pieces of colored paper in lucky shapes) over them.
The Wedding Reception: Festivities and Farewell
The "happy couple" and their guests proceed to the wedding reception, often held at the bride's home or a hotel. This can be a formal meal or a party. The bride, groom, and their parents greet guests, who offer congratulations to the groom and felicitations to the bride (in the US).
Speeches are typically given by the best man, the bride's father, and the groom. The couple jointly cuts the wedding cake, usually multi-tiered with white icing and figures of a bride and groom on top. Before leaving for their honeymoon (a holiday celebrating their marriage), the bride throws her bouquet. A popular belief states that the woman who catches it will soon marry herself. Friends often decorate the couple's departure car with "just married" signs and old tin cans or shoes tied to the back.
Conclusion: The Enduring Appeal of Marriage
From evolving social norms around cohabitation to the enduring charm of traditional ceremonies, weddings, marriage, and social change demonstrate a fascinating interplay between continuity and adaptation. While customs like proposals and the white wedding remain popular, the institution continues to adjust to modern values and lifestyles, reflecting its deep cultural significance.
Frequently Asked Questions About Weddings and Marriage
What is the average age for marriage in the US and Britain?
In the US, the average age for women to marry is 23, and for men, it's 26. In Britain, these averages are slightly older, at 26 for women and 28 for men.
What is the "reading of the banns"?
The "reading of the banns" is a tradition where a marriage must be announced in a church on three separate occasions before the wedding can take place. This served as a public notice of intent to marry.
What is the difference between a stag party and a hen party?
A stag party is a pre-wedding celebration for the groom, typically involving friends, alcohol, and jokes about losing freedom. A hen party (or bachelorette party in the US) is a similar pre-wedding celebration for the bride, which is usually a quieter event.
What is the significance of "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue"?
This is a traditional rhyme suggesting items a bride should wear on her wedding day to bring good luck. Each item has symbolic meaning related to continuity, optimism for the future, borrowed happiness, and purity, respectively.
Who traditionally pays for a wedding, and how has this changed?
Traditionally, the bride's family paid for the wedding. However, today, it is common for the couple to pay a portion of the cost themselves, reflecting more shared responsibility and financial independence.